• There is an inevitable struggle for the hearts and minds of people and in particular Muslims, since we have something unique i.e. Islam, which if it was established, would remove the hardship, problems and corruption that we see today – not just for Muslims, but also non-Muslims
• Those who are at the forefront of this struggle are our children and youth – for the simple reason that every society focuses upon its youth to make sure that they embrace, implement and protect the values of the society they live in – because we must remember, ‘the youth of today are the leaders of tomorrow’
• Therefore, culture and values in the west – from the moment our children wake up until they go to bed – impact and surround them: on tv, internet, at school, when we go shopping, when we visit family and friends, when we go on holiday…we just cannot avoid it. We try to shut it out, but the tide is too strong and we are left helpless just surviving on the hope that our duaa will be accepted that our children will not lose their identity and deen
• Reality today, as the beautiful hadith states: ‘Each of you is a shepherd and a guardian over his responsibilities…’ we are responsible for our children. The idea that we send them to Madrasas, or weekend Islamic schools as if this will solve the problem and fulfil the responsibility is flawed and wrong…we are responsible
• In part we struggle since we do not have the ideal living example of a role model parent – so we try to muddle our way through based on how our parents raised us, how our home culture moulded us and how the western culture expects our children to behave

The following 2 points are an important introduction that we should consider when raising our children:

1. Firstly, there is no magic wand or magic pill in raising our children, I wish there was – but our children, like ourselves, don’t have identical personalities, likes/dislikes, so we have to manage this carefully and with awareness of our children
2. We need to be observant of 3 main environments that our children interact with i.e. home, school and society – each as a huge impact on how our children grow their values and attitudes. We will discuss this is later circles

As for the key points in raising children, they are as follows:

1. Importance of being an example. Remember we are the example that are children look up to…our neglect becomes their neglect and excuse e.g. tell our children to read Quran when we do not, get our daughters to cover when their mothers do not, state importance of prayer but delay praying due to watching tv etc…
2. Establish the standards, the priorities in a natural way e.g. Teach Quran / Arabic / Islamic rules at the earliest age. What ask first when son comes home from school? What discuss over dinner?
3. We need to be in constant communication with our children, constantly talking with them to understand what they are thinking about, their issues and problems. Even when go shopping, at dinner be in constant discussion with them. When they come home from school ask them about their day and whether they prayed, talked about Islam (not simply whether they behaved well, did their work) – this will help establish the right priorities. Also, use this communication to clarify points and help them understand the difference between Islamic culture/values/actions and that of western culture – also of the culture that we have back home, which is not from Islam
4. Build the Islamic nafsiyyah (emotions / behaviour) at the earliest age e.g. put the Quran on in the background, when they are about to go to sleep, put the khimar on our daughters as a play for them when they are young, organize mini-home conferences where our children do talks and we record them etc… This will also make Islam interesting, at a time when the amount of distractions are very strong and Islam is presented and seen as boring
5. Remember it is the quality of time and not the quantity of time. For example, no value in sitting with our children for an hour and just simply on your mobile phone, social media or watching a movie – and thinking that this is spending time with our children. It is not. Rather it is the quality of time, where we give focus and attention to our children – even if only for a short while
6. Give them ownership and responsibility e.g. organize activities, preparing dinner (cooking), shopping, dua for journey/dinner, organize a quiz
7. Don’t deny nor give them the latest mobiles, game stations, laptops, toys etc… – rather manage it (when can use, what can access etc…)
8. Show them love…not money / toys (J) – i.e. give them a hug / kiss, play with them
9. Must realize that we should evaluate our children by their effort – not by the result. Results are in Allah’s Hands. As long as we are confident that are children are making their best effort, and even then they get poor exam results, we should be proud of them – since this just means that they are not strong in this/these subjects. This is contrary to the mentality today where we measure by results, irrespective of the effort – this puts wrong focus and for our children

 

• Finally, we should remember that at the end of all of these points, there are no guarantees. Even if we implement everything right, our children may end up in the wrong direction, inshAllah not, but at least we can meet Allah and demonstrate that we made effort to fulfil our responsibility